based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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