Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
