The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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