she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
