hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
