The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
