dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize