Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
