sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He shit in the fireplace
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
