We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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