everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
