ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
