Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
