i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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