when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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