ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize