I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
