She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
that is very illegal...i love you.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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