wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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