either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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