every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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