Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize