how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
