Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I forget how to act sober
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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