I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
this hospital has no fireball
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize