I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
