My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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