i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
If I die, sorry about rent.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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