Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
