Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
