My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
