im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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