Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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