I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize