i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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