I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
