Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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