i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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