She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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