I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize