watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
