Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
