Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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