Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
