He uses pillows to masturbate.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
