The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
