I wanna bring you to show and tell
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
