Where did you get a picture of my penis
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
