Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
