you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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