Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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