Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize