The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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