Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
