Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
