While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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