first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize