So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
